I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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