Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
