I hate your face
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
