Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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