He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
