I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
