Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
