the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
