either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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