Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
