There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
