I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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