i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
