before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
