I'm going to jail i love you
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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