I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
