A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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