New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
