For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
