It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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