So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
