im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
