It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
