I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
