So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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