I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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