I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
