That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
