508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
