Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
