don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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