I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
