i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
