Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
