you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
