i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
