we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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