my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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