well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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