Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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