That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
