My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she told me i tasted like america
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Pants are for mortals
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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