Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
