We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
ttyl tear gas
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
