I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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