There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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