She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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