Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
