Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
