Where did you get a picture of my penis
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
