Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
