i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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