So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
